zac.

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Kelley has a dream.
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So my dream is hazy but here's the gist...

I'm sitting in the living room of someone that I look up to and admire... it would not be too much of a stretch to say 'mentor,' so you get the idea. (Her husband, who I also admire, is in the house too but I never actually see him in the dream.) So this person and I get into a 'friendly' political conversation about the upcoming presidential election. From our conversation, it's obvious that we have very different opinions but hey, we're friends and we're just talking, right?

Well, I said too much. Specifically, I said something that was apparently very incendiary to this friend of mine... something about secular conservatism (big words for a little girl) ... and she was infuriated. She got up and ran out of the living room and into the kitchen. I felt awful!

Her husband, like I said, could not be seen, but I could hear him from another room, warning me of how much damage this would do to my friendship with his wife.
"Oh!," he said, "Well you should not have said that!"

I chased her into the kitchen and apologized profusely for my careless and offensive words, but the damage had been done. Dejected, with the weight of guilt in my stomach, I left the house.

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We has an interpretation.
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Wow. You've got quite a vocabulary there short stack.

Your mentor's reaction is pretty typical in your life. Your big girl words intimidate people. Naturally, they break out into tears and flee the room whenever you step on the scene.

If you want to keep your friends for more than a week, you might want to tone it down a little. Bring it to the level of the person on the street. Here's a few tips to get you started...

1. Increase your word power.
   Make it your goal to use words like 'whatever,' 'totally,' 'stuff,' and 'Zac Efron' at least 15 times a day in your conversations.
   
2. Nod your head... a lot.
   Even when you think someone is completely retarded, nod in agreement while they tell you about how their day is going thus far. You can go somewhere else in your head and solve real problems like world hunger and bad hairstyles.
   
3. Go dumb.
   Get a few of those 'For Dummies' guide books. Some people actually need those. You'll never need to read them, but having a few stacks of them strewn about your house will be reassuring for all of the morons who pay you a visit.
4. Trip yourself.
   Whenever you can tell that you're starting to intimidate someone with your superior intellect, just take a few steps and fall flat on your face. Your friend will completely forget about any mention of your recent museum tour in Prague or your Mensa score.
   
   and finally...
   
   
5. Sport a fanny pack.
   Nothing says, 'I'm just like you guys' quite like a zipper-pouch full of quarters, retractable pencils, or Beanie Babies hanging around your waist.

Apply these five steps to gain new friends in no time. And you'll despise them all.