zac.

.........................
Kelley has a dream.
.........................
So my dream is hazy but here's the gist...

I'm sitting in the living room of someone that I look up to and admire... it would not be too much of a stretch to say 'mentor,' so you get the idea. (Her husband, who I also admire, is in the house too but I never actually see him in the dream.) So this person and I get into a 'friendly' political conversation about the upcoming presidential election. From our conversation, it's obvious that we have very different opinions but hey, we're friends and we're just talking, right?

Well, I said too much. Specifically, I said something that was apparently very incendiary to this friend of mine... something about secular conservatism (big words for a little girl) ... and she was infuriated. She got up and ran out of the living room and into the kitchen. I felt awful!

Her husband, like I said, could not be seen, but I could hear him from another room, warning me of how much damage this would do to my friendship with his wife.
"Oh!," he said, "Well you should not have said that!"

I chased her into the kitchen and apologized profusely for my careless and offensive words, but the damage had been done. Dejected, with the weight of guilt in my stomach, I left the house.

................................
We has an interpretation.
................................
Wow. You've got quite a vocabulary there short stack.

Your mentor's reaction is pretty typical in your life. Your big girl words intimidate people. Naturally, they break out into tears and flee the room whenever you step on the scene.

If you want to keep your friends for more than a week, you might want to tone it down a little. Bring it to the level of the person on the street. Here's a few tips to get you started...

1. Increase your word power.
   Make it your goal to use words like 'whatever,' 'totally,' 'stuff,' and 'Zac Efron' at least 15 times a day in your conversations.
   
2. Nod your head... a lot.
   Even when you think someone is completely retarded, nod in agreement while they tell you about how their day is going thus far. You can go somewhere else in your head and solve real problems like world hunger and bad hairstyles.
   
3. Go dumb.
   Get a few of those 'For Dummies' guide books. Some people actually need those. You'll never need to read them, but having a few stacks of them strewn about your house will be reassuring for all of the morons who pay you a visit.
4. Trip yourself.
   Whenever you can tell that you're starting to intimidate someone with your superior intellect, just take a few steps and fall flat on your face. Your friend will completely forget about any mention of your recent museum tour in Prague or your Mensa score.
   
   and finally...
   
   
5. Sport a fanny pack.
   Nothing says, 'I'm just like you guys' quite like a zipper-pouch full of quarters, retractable pencils, or Beanie Babies hanging around your waist.

Apply these five steps to gain new friends in no time. And you'll despise them all.

super bowl.

.........................
Kevin has a dream.
.........................
So I'm inside this big stadium type thing. And it's the super bowl. But the weird thing is the whole field is set up like a conference or something. There are tables and chairs set out, and a stage over by the end zone for a speaker. The Patriots are playing the Jets, which is weird because they're in the same conference...but I digress.

So, somehow, I just kinda wander onto the field and start playing for the Patriots. I'm playing cornerback and I intercept this pass and everyone's going nuts. After I go back to the sidelines, I realize that me playing MUST be illegal, and now even if the Patriots win, they'll be disqualified on account of me not being on the team, not wearing the right uniform, etc.

So my new plan is to sneak out, and hope that no one notices me, and that they will just finish the game and forget about little old Kevin.

As soon as I walk out of the stadium, I'm outside the old sanctuary at Valley Christian where we had chapel, and everyone is watching the game on a big screen. Garrett Fitch is there and he's super pumped for me, but the dream ends with me walking through the parking lot feeling stupid for ruining the Super Bowl by being so awesome and intercepting that pass.

................................
We has an interpretation.
................................
You are in luck my friend. It just so happens that sports are my greatest passion, and so, sports dreams are my specialty.

You're playing for a pro ball team because, deep down, you believe that you're the secret weapon for any team that you're on, even if you're not eligible. You probably had SAT scores that said 'POST-HIGH SCHOOL' too. Those college students sure love it when Doogie Howser shows up and puts them all to shame. You should probably grow a beard so you can fit in with the big kids. Oh wait, you can't grow a beard. It's physically impossible.

But I digress.

You're playing in a game with two teams that are in the same conference, just like how you're attracted to men. You are also the post-game conference speaker, where you will make your big announcement.

Easy enough. Moving on.

You're walking out of the stadium as a huge disappointment, which is a lot like the rejection someone feels when they come out of the closet.

In summary...
Sports. Powerade. Teamwork. Power Plays. Endurance. Sweat. and you're super gay.

preacher.

..................................
Andy has a dream
..................................

So I guess if you're really serious about having a dream blog, you actually have to get up and type out the dream when it actually happens. So it's 4:30am, and I just had a really crappy dream.

In my dream, my dad has allowed me to be the weekend teacher at Cornerstone. There's a lot of excitement from everyone - my family is so proud of me, people that I have known for years are so excited to hear me as I teach at 'big church' for the first time.

One of the pastors is really encouraging to me as I wait backstage. I almost forget my wireless microphone, but he catches me before I hop on stage, and helps me put it on. For some reason, the mic is one of those new Bluetooth hands-free headsets, but it's super complicated to put on, so by the time I get on stage, I'm really flustered.

There's a ton of microphones on the stage. A ton. Some of them are hanging, some of them are on stands. All of them are in my way, blocking my path to the place on stage where I am supposed to stand.

A lot of people are on stage, apologizing profusely for the mess. I move a few microphones out of the way, but it looks like I won't be able to walk around if I want to start teaching. I really need to get going and move everyone past the awkward transition that we're all bearing through at the moment. There's just too many microphones on stage, so I just have a seat on a chair that is in the middle of the mess.

I begin to talk, but then I'm experiencing major feedback from my microphone. I look out towards the sound booth, but there's no one there. I'm left to figure it out for myself, trying to deliver my opening words while trying to find the microphone that is causing my microphone to feedback awful squawks and ringing. I feel like one of the Nazis in 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,' who just can't seem to pick out the right Holy Grail, even if their life depended on it.

Finally, that one pastor who was encouraging me jumps into the control booth and fixes something.

Sweet relief.

I start to read from the text, but I realize that I have no idea what I'm supposed to be teaching about. It feels like one of those dreams where you forgot to wear pants to a public event, except instead of pants, it's my teaching material. I've completely forgotten what I was supposed to teach about. I'm flipping back and forth in my Bible, trying to find the place where I'm supposed to teach. I make a few jokes about it, and people laugh, but I still can't find my place. It takes a really long time for me to find out where I'm actually supposed to be, and by the time I get there, I don't even remember what I'm supposed to say. People start to leave.

We cancel that service, and my boss leaves in anger.

The next thing I know, a few people are driving me down the freeway as fast as they can. We're going to another one of our churches that would've received my horrible attempt at teaching the Bible via satellite. The plan is for me to teach there live and in person, hopefully to redeem this big mess.

The problem, though, is that there is another guest teacher who is ready to teach there, and will be teaching there in about 15 minutes.
As we're driving, I'm trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to teach on, and how I'm going to explain to this pastor that he needs to allow me to teach in his place.

I wake up in a panic. What does this dream mean?

..............................................
We has an interpretation
..............................................

This dream is a doozy. There's so much insecurity bubbling up it makes me want to puke. Then put all of the puke in a bag and empty it into your bed. Then go get a sandwich.

Here's the deal.

The myriad microphones on the stage have all the hallmarks of obvious overcompensation. Notice the one you want to use (bluetooth) is the smallest one. Not a coincidence.

Second-of-ly, your observation about the similarities to the "no pants" common nightmare is apt, and an annoyingly striking statement about your spiritual health. Most people are afraid of physical nudity, you're afraid of being Bibleless. Typical Andy. No wonder Mom loves you the most.

Or maybe it can be read another way. You don't trust God to help you through this sticky situation. Even when you're teaching HIS word you still feel the need to rely on your own expository and preparatory prowess. I like this interpretation better. Man you suck.

The encouraging pastor is Chuck Fleming. He's just a really encouraging guy. That part of the dream is surprisingly literal.

Now for some advice: never fall asleep again. It's only gonna get worse.

You're welcome.

apollo.

................................
Jordan has a dream
................................

I don't remember my dreams very often but there were two scenes that stand out that I had the past week. Help me if you can.

I was with my brother Andy and his 3 month old baby Apollo. My nephew begins speaking to me (lips moving - completely coherent - it was a trip!)

I am amazed and I say to him "What!? You know you are talking right now and you are only three months old, right!?" Apollo, casually responds with "yea I know i guess I am a little smart for my age" and I turn to my brother and he looks at me without any wonder and says "Yea, it's pretty cool... I think he might be some kind of genius or something..."

I wake up (in my dream) from being in a coma for a year and a half. I feel extremely sad or sentimental about all the time and experiences I missed out on and am at the brink of tears. Then I realize that I am stuck on a roof and I need to walk across a ledge to get to safety but I am scared, but I see these kids (2 of them - maybe 8 years old) walking across it without any fear coming to help me telling me it will be "okay."

...............................
We has an interpretation
...............................

Babies represent your inner ego. You want your family to treat you as a prodigy. And with a name like Apollo, you must think that you are God's gift to women. You have a very healthy self-esteem. Perhaps too healthy? You might want to hire someone to yell at you, 'HEY JORDAN... YOU SUCK! YOU'RE AN IDIOT AND YOU'LL NEVER MAKE YOUR WIFE HAPPY!'

That should remedy the ego problem.

The coma represents your repressed anxiety that everyone will find out what a jerk-hole you are. You want to cry, but then you probably look in the mirror and say something that a jerk-hole would say like, 'Hey sexy beast man. You're good looking, and lots of people like you.'

The kids on the roof are lying to you. It's not going to be OK. You're on a roof, which is a very dangerous place for babies and eight-year-olds.

Jerk-hole.

the first of many.

..............................
Tyler has a dream
..............................

So last night I had this dream...

I made some kind of illegal right hand turn, and was getting pulled over. I pulled over to the side of the road, but the cop car had disappeared... so I kept driving.

As soon as I was back in the lane, there were two patrol cars following me, flashing their lights...so I pulled over.

Again, nothing behind me.

So I pulled back onto the road...

All of a sudden there was like an entire battalion of search vehicles following me, but I didn't think they were looking to make peace, so I ditched my car and started running through the forest (apparently I was next to a forest.)

I found this maze-house that was slowly filling with water, and began to make my way through it. In the corner of the last room in the hallway, I found an oxygen tank (convenient eh?...Vicodin induced-dreams...what can I say)*

As the house filled with water, I looked for a way out, but the only way I found led me outside to where all the bad guys were...

And that's all I really remember..

Except for that my teeth are loose and I pull them out, and then I would "wake up" and my teeth would still be loose and I would pull them out...but I have that one like every night so we'll ignore that one...

.....................................................
*For the record, you should know that Tyler had his wisdom teeth pulled out 3 days ago, and so he's been hopped up on the 'V'

...............................
We has an interpretation
...............................

Sounds like you have some deep-seated guilt ... cops and robbers are both after you. What did you do? Drown some kittens?

You're seeking some kind of shelter in a forest and a maze-house, but nothing provides satisfactory asylum. Probably because the kitten goddess will never let you rest until she has her revenge on your soul. Sleep with one eye open.

You blacked out for awhile. It would have been awesome if you had used the oxygen tank as a rocket to take out the bad guys who were waiting for you. But it seems like your little plan backfired... hence the missing teeth. You need to work on your aim with rogue oxygen tanks. This is your life's calling.

i has a dream...

Wikipedia will tell you that dreams are 'the images, thoughts and feelings experienced while asleep, particularly strongly associated with rapid eye movement sleep. The contents and purpose of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history.'*

In case you didn't get all that, wiki is essentially saying that for far too long, dreams have not been understood. That's really stupid. Dreams are really easy to interpret, and we'll show you just how easy it is.

Basically, it works like this. Dreams come up off the top of your head, so all you have to do is give an interpretation that is also off the top of your head.

We've heard that the tip of your tongue works just as well, but you're taking a risk when you leave it all up to your tongue. Your tongue, unlike your head, is a very in-the-moment type of organ, and as soon as you have breakfast or an ice cream sandwich, your tongue gets preoccupied with the taste and your dream gets swallowed and pooped out at a later time, but in an entirely unrecognizable form.

It's quite wasteful to forget your dreams. You spend 1/3 of your life asleep, which is a lot of time for dreaming. Who knows what untold psychological analysis and warnings about future events have been lost to forgetful neglect?

The Madsen boys say no more. Check this blog on a regular basis, where one of us will offer up our latest dream, and the other two brothers will translate.

Here's our blog. We hope you hate it.

Tyler, Kevin and Andy.

..........................................................................
*en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dream